THE AWESOMENESS WILL NEVER CEASE

I've moved to http://www.amospheric.com. Check it out. For real.

when the medicine man comes, he comes in full force

and I'm finally taking that medicine
the ones you kept telling me to
thanks for pushing me that way
even though it took a few years

and tess, she's getting better
and so is her man
I guess they've been together
for quite a while now

I heard it was their anniversary
not too long ago
and that just got me thinking
when would it be ours?

but I guess that doesn't matter
'cause you're better off
and everybody's telling me
calling you dirty

I should be glad that you're OK
I know in some way I am
remember that time I rang,
maybe a year ago?

I was sure you'd gone off
I was sure...
I was on the train and
I thought it was you
we were stuck a few hours
so I hate to say it
I was late for a date.

440hz: the universal frequency of a traffic jam

I am going to propose an experiment,
the results of which may be astounding
the experiment can be performed using only
household items
do not proceed if you
have a heart condition
do not proceed if you
are experiencing a high tides
do not expect that you
will not be held accountable for your actions
the experiment requires of you
one cheap acoustic guitar
tuned accordingly
a bass guitar would do
the experiment requires that you
step into the traffic
into the heavy traffic
feel the strings
the thick steel strings
strike a soft buzzing "A"
440hz: the universal frequency of a traffic jam

daniel & page thirty-six

The Ballad of Daniel Mephistopholes and his Awkwardly Shaped Cat, Colloquially Known as Earwig (tentative title)

well Daniel was a gypsy boy, born & bred I guess
ere sixteen he spread his wings and took his mother's chest

he stole away to foreign lands and ventured to be free
but none escape a gypsy curse; no one, not even he


o Daniel, o Daniel,
you set the night on fire
o Daniel, o Daniel,
you made your mother cry


the gypsy king said gypsy things and spoke a gypsy verse
'til Daniel in a shallow grave they made his love a curse

young Daniel saw it coming and he couldn't help but laugh
"voodoo dolls and fairy tales mean nothin' to me now"


o Daniel, o Daniel,
you set the night on fire
o Daniel, o Daniel,
you made your mother cry


when Daniel first met Peggy Sue she was lookin' fine
well rounded breasts, a pretty face and those American thighs

they fell in love at once and he offered her a dance
a penny for a kiss and a ring to hold her hand

but Daniel was impatient and the night before they wed
he came home too early with Peggy in another's bed

Page Thirty-Six

this is page thirty-six
and I'm feeling fine
in ten minutes though
I might go back in time
never was there a page
so clean or crisp
and just a touch of black
if you held it up to light
page thirty-six, what have I done?
taken your purity
mixed it with mine
I don't think I'll ever
see another like this
its creamy complexion
and somehow poultry smell
I miss my old thirty-six
who always treated me well
and I'll cry for you forever
and I'll never spend a dime
a page like you
I could never see
anything more sublime
oh, hi there thirty-seven
what are you doing tonight?

Oh Lordy Lordy (improv) & The Bobcat Blues

This song wasn't actually intended to be as crass as it might seem. Too bad.

Oh Lordy Lordy (improv)

my sister got raped
by a murderer
my sister got her cherry
all popped
my sister ain't got no
protection
my sister went and asked
the lordy

she said
oh, lordy lordy
won't you give me some freedom?

oh, lordy lordy
won't you give me some love?

I've been in this world eighteen years
I ain't been fucked once before
but now, I got a baby on the way

oh, lordy lordy
give me some freedom

oh, lordy lordy
what should I do?

'cause those fuckers
take me down
when I try to kill this baby
I don't want you any more
I never wanted you in the first place
but you mother fuckers had to do it didn't ya?
you raped me like a baby raped a sausage..
fucker!


...And here's a somewhat nicer one for all you chumps out there

Bobcat Blues

No I can't stand it no more
when I sat down to read the morning paper
I hear they're building another mall
now I don't want to be one of those haters
but baby won't you hear me out

they got roads
they got the trains
they got high-rise buildings
water mains
but baby when it all comes down
just where, where we gonna go?

I see limousines
and some buses
pourin' out the old hotel
the driver, he ain't nervous
as he plows into a gaol cell

No I just can't stand it no more
when I sat down to read the morning paper
I hear they're building another mall
now I don't want to be one of those haters
but baby won't you hear me out

I got knife wounds in my back
I got the needle in the arm
and I'm just one of the many
that they raped, tortured and stole

where the river meets the sea
and the sun touches ocean
when moon and sun unite
and the month is at an end
how you step upon that plane
and I'm waiting for the train
why I never told you this
and you didn't want to know
who can say that I am wrong
'cause I knew it all along
where the river meets the sea
I'll be waiting there alone

give those boots away

Chelsea kneels down
no combat boots today
she's kneeling in the sand
and praying to the sun
her dress is ripped at the back
but she likes it that way
and I enjoy it too
no photographs today
please, I only want you
and the sea rages higher
to carry us away
oh, Chelsea, give those boots away

straight from the pages of a rusty old man

do you have work tomorrow?
I know a beach not too far
and it's never too crowded
the forecasts say showers
but they're often wrong

drink red wine and smoke
and lie in the sun...
then when it gets dark
just take the ferry home



it's four AM and raining
I'm trying to get some sleep
thinking about my life
and these girls I met on the street

but now it's time to leave them
and I make my way outside
chasing rainbows in the dirt
seeing shadows in the snow


when I sang my first song
to the river alone
it was like she could hear me calling
she burst out her banks
deprived man of his throne
and signed me a golden letter

when I told my passion
to my very first kiss
she held me hostage for years
it's hard to admit
that a love such as this
should be my only poison

when I saw myself
in the God up above
I just couldn't keep writing
this vision it seems
to fit like a glove
and I fear I can never go home

the queen of hearts

the queen of hearts
sends her well wishes
but always leaves her clothes on

good night
the sharks await
all I have left
dead memories

I need a drink
or a diabetic
yeast infection

pity...

fucking gypsies

I'd like to piss in
that sweet anna lee's
pretty little mouth

then I'd tell the gov'nor
and any fucker who asks
my name and motivation

those dirty gypsies
that bitch anna lee
that stole my wife and children


I hate gypsies. Ever since that fortune teller ruined my love life. I was with this girl, who was with two guys. But the other relationship was dying, until she went and had her fortune told. The gypsy said "You're going to find a man with a white car and a beach-house", which funnily enough fit her other man. You figure out the rest. Fuckers.

pretty camp

a wind chime at the door
a train rumbles past
this isn't love for us
maybe just comfort
she lifts her heavy head
and very slowly stirs
tells me that it's time to go
I've been here far too long

the rens are out tonight

One day I was in Canberra, wasting some time in a park, and I noticed some ren faire dudes were having a picnic. I kept walking on and saw these ninjas playing with staffs. They start scheming and planning as I get closer, making all sorts of gestures..
"You two go around that building, you two from the right,.. and I'll go home."
And so they started moving, somewhat indirectly, towards the rens. So I ran to the rens, hoping for some much-needed action. (Canberra.)
I'm staring intently, the ninjas approaching, the rens picnicing, and their truffle dog just sniffing the ground. I thought I really had a score, four ninjas v eleven rens, it would be a real show.
The ninjas just kept walking though. The two groups converged right near the picnic-ground, and.. just walked straight past. Fuckers.

don't take it from me

will I ever see you again?
we spoke the other day
you ran after realising it was me

god, have I sinned?
"do what you want"
was all he said

so I stalked a chilli girl
but somehow never saw her
now time's ran out
and that chilli girl's already been replaced

dirty maggie

this is a deathtron chevette song. this song is deathtron chevette at her finest.

when jesus saw the water
and he stepped on it so lightly
he met a blind man drowning
with whom he had a fling
(sexual healing!)

sexual healing. all the way down town. gotta get me some. when I'm next around.

the word that came to maggie
when she was on the street
she heard of a man not-kosher
whose loins were sugar sweet
(sugar sweet!)

sexual healing. all the way down town. gotta get me some. when I'm next around.

well maggie she's left handed
at night she couldn't sleep
she prayed the darkness to fall
on bethlehem, second street

sexual healing. all the way down town. gotta get me some. when I'm next around.

when jesus' spirit member
entered shyly the blind man
he begged him for to stay
but jesus just claimed his pay

sexual healing. all the way down town. gotta get me some. when I'm next around.

cath'rine

Cath'rine takes you by the hand
you don't know where you're going
she leads you to her place
reminding you on the way
of all the good times that you had

wake up in the morning
tell me where's the one you love
it's not a sin to be a stranger
when you're all alone

and you can't help but thinking
maybe there's something left
you look out of the window
try to catch your breath
night you're crying to yourself

wake up in the morning
tell me where's the one you love
it's not a sin to be a stranger
when you're all alone

she's a girl with a dream
and she won't say no
just if you asked her
to remember
all the good times you once had

vegan plague

mad scientist creates plague
men now allergic to meat
vegans cheer!
the world is saved

cottage cheese whipped
the front of the boat
jettisonned in frenzy
but no-one even thought
what about the fish

IV the casein
deep seated emotional relief
whips off her tongue like
an underage pornstar
do you need it?

she sinks to the bottom
with the rest of them
my god.
they're all junkies

black eye

Reuben was walking to McDonald's after some beers at the Lass, and passed a group of people. Three of them were shouting things like ``what do you have a knife for?'' at the other one. Reuben attempted to calm the knife-guy down; which worked, by some fluke of dice. As he was calming knife-guy down though, another guy sprinted towards Reuben, taking him unaware with a smack on the face. Reuben hit the ground, and knife-guy helped him up.

They went to McDonald's and knife-guy was refused entry. Reuben got his uber-bacon-burger just fine though, and headed home.